Bound · by · the · Triple · Arches

I really dislike the way my Sociology teacher spends the ENTIRE hour and a half TALKING. No break, rarely any variation in teaching method...the occasional video, but only rarely. *sigh* I learn well by taking notes, but.......she doesn't really put a lot on the board, or at least not a lot that's easily transferred to notes. And what she DOES put on the board is usually the same diagram she's put up four times before. I'm sick of that stupid bloody triangle!!!! Make it go away!

.....ahem.

I'm going to see New Moon tonight, with Natasha. LMAO. I know, I know.......where did I lose my dignity? Where's my self-respect?

...b-but, but...Taylor is just so pretty with his shirt of....! *fangirly swoon*

I'm really cold, actually...this classroom sucks. We're actually watching a film, today (ironic, since I just was going on about how we never did anything different.....though this isn't precisely "different" since videos are the only variation she ever makes use of...).

Another hour left to this class..........well, not quite, but close. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm doing this writing thing tomorrow...had to take a day off work, and it costs money, but it should be beneficial, I think. :) It's like...a fiction writers' symposium thing, as I understand it. It lasts all day, with lunch provided, and I'm really excited about it, but I'm not sure what the details of the event are. :) I actually can't even recall which building it's in........maybe at the museum, actually. I wonder how many people attending are participating in NaNoWriMo... Kiki said I should take a poll while I'm there. Lol. I'm sure it will come up at least once or twice throughout the day. :)

I really need to work on my Honors Project...........I keep putting it off, and putting it off... I still need to cut out pattern pieces, and I've only got about a month left...! SHIT, you know!?

"Not three books, necessarily, because I don't know if I have quite that much ambition, but three sections at least. A three book deal would be amazing, certainly, but it's rare for a first time author (though I can think of two or three off the top of my head)."

I said that about a year ago, before Broken Clockwork came into being....(I think I called it "Broken Gears" last post, but that's wrong...) Here I am, attempting that whole...three-book-deal thing. Just a few months after I made that statement, in fact. *laughs* How quickly things change!

I was rereading old posts (obviously), trying to get a feel for the origins of my new book. I'm not...running out of steam, precisely (and yes, I know the pun was terrible!), but I'm not moving as fast as I'd like to be. I had sort of wanted to get another 50 pages written this month, but.........well, I just don't write that fast! I didn't write anything today (there's just over a quarter of an hour left in the day, so there's technically still time), but inspiration hasn't struck. I think because Angst and Angel aren't characters in this one, they're less inclined to help with the creative process.

"I object to that statement..."

"I don't! It's true! Korin-chan, where are the characters based on us!?"

Angst, Angel, thank you. Now, shut up.

I have work in the morning, and I don't want to go. :( Also, I think I screwed up my left knee, or something. No matter how I stretch it out, or curl it up, it starts tightening again. Standing all day is really bad for my knees...or those shoes just don't cut it, or something.

I'm.............technically on the phone with Madilynn right now, but Craig called her, and it's been five minutes, so...yeah. Not sure if she's coming back or not. :(

Also, I'm hungry. Dinner was a long time ago, and--even though I've had a scone, since--I'm already hungry again. And I like snacking. A lot. I'd rather snack than eat. :) But then I'd get fat, so it's probably for the best that I'm stuck in my room, starving, at 11:48.

In just a few minutes it will be 7.Nov.09...two years ago, on the seventh, Sam was shot and killed in his own home. On the third of this month, his mother was arrested and officially charged with murder. It's been something of a relief, to know that maybe--just maybe--Sam will finally see justice done. There's a memorial thing for him tomorrow, that I think I'm going to...

.......I also think I'm gonna go to sleep, now. At least, theoretically, I am. We'll see how it actually plays out. :)

Last night's was...horrific, really. I was in bed, and this girl was at the end of it, accusing me of....I think, probably, killing her, though I'm not sure. She was creepy, but what really got to me was that my room was all mirror image. She was...hissing at me, telling me it was all my fault, etc. etc.... And I just kept saying, "we're in the mirror! You put us in the mirror...!" like it was the most horrifying possibility ever. Then she started to advance on my, and I leaned over the footboard, yelling/chanting at her in "tongues" hoping she would go away...

She vanished, but I'm not sure she's gone.

I can so clearly imagine my "Steampunk Domicile" that I have decided to share it with you.

I am no mechanic, no inventor, no noble lady. I have no desire for cool, rich leathers and plush velvets (...well, perhaps the velvets...), and certainly have no need for such silly "conveniences" as a Playstation, or X-box, and all their accompanying mess of cords and wires.

No, my home will be plush and comfortable without the Victorian trend towards clutter and frilly doilies. It would have to be an old home, with plenty of character upon which I could elaborate: Old wing-back chairs, sofas with clawed feet... Lots of extra pillows thrown about. A fully-functional antique phone -- probably nothing cordless, because I never seem to be able to find it when it's ringing.

My coffee table is an old steamer trunk (quite probably filled with books that don't fit on the shelves), my "writing area," be it a room, or simply a corner, will be an antique writing desk -- one of those ones with all the slots for letters, and plenty of drawers with locks. The many keys for my home will stay on a ring at my belt (though I'll keep extras, just in case, as I'm prone to losing such things). My bed will be either wrought metal, or elegant four-poster...perhaps both! Papers and books lay on nearly every surface, for that is the sort of Steampunk I am (or would be); an academic, of the worst sort. With bookshelves everywhere, maps on the walls, and collections of myths from many cultures, I would be the anthropologist/adventure type.

...a walk-in closet is a must for my every-day wear........and a larger one for my costuming hobbies. One of the downsides of being in the SCA, and also enjoying cosplay is that one accumulates an extraordinary amount of clothing that must be carefully stored, and as of now I've no place to put it all.

All of the rooms in my home will be delicate antique wallpapers, though none particularly floral in design...the doorknobs would be rescued from antique stores, even if they are over forty dollars each. The doors themselves would be solid wood, any my curtains would pull closed to block out all external light. Lamps may have modern interiors, but to the casual observer would look cleverly like old gas lamps and oil lamps. Sepia photos of friends and family would be hung about, and there would be a fully stocked pantry and full kitchen -- complete with antique stove.

But -- for now -- this little steampunk academic will continue to live at home with her parents, write fabulous stories set in any world but our own, and daydream.

So, something I noticed in amateur writing that rather bothers me... Too often, it seems as if a group's reactions are divided by gender, rather than by each individual character's personality. "The women watched with looks of horror, as the men smiled in grim satisfaction," or other "descriptions" of that sort. Not to say we need/should have lengthy paragraphs describing each character's facial expression down to the tiniest flicker of mirth in their eyes, but neither should we pretend that women will ALL have one reaction to the thing, and men all have another.

Admittedly, I am well aware that I have used this self same tactic myself. Only, just now I was reading a fic, and it suddenly jumped out at me how very...sexist isn't the word, but... Characters shouldn't be categorized by gender, is all, but rather by their histories and personal stories. Even in a group of high society debutantes there would be varying reactions to the discovery of a dead body stowed in a linen cupboard. Sure, several might swoon delicately, a few might vomit, but wouldn't at least one or two keep their wits about them and think to go for help? It just............well, I'm enjoying the fic, don't get me wrong. It's very well written, over-all, but the scene I'm reading right now just struck me as being lazy.

Well, it's almost one in the morning, and I have to wake up relatively early to do some work on my cosplay, so I should end this and go to sleep, I guess. :) My sight is blurring already, anyway. *grin*

Sometimes, I think I smell smoke on the air.

It's three thirty in the morning, I'm an insomniac (probably literally, these days, not just the joking-version I've been claiming for years), and I suddenly caught a whiff of sulfuric, stinking smoke, like dirty, plastic-filled campfires. A day or two ago, I was heading upstairs, and had to pause half-way up the flight of steps, because I could smell cigarette smoke. No one in my family smokes, but these smelled just like your typical Marlboro-brand cancer sticks, not the nicer smelling vanilla Cheyennes, or even like what Grandma used to smoke, before she quit...but definitely nasty, and definitely nicotine.

What will it mean if I smell smoke a third time? Anything?

Perhaps I'm paranoid, but my first thought was, "shit, the house is on fire!" Eh. Don't know what caused such a thought.

Blargh. It's too late for me to still be conscious...at least I get to sleep in tomorrow. If I went to sleep right now, I'd get eight hours of sleep before my alarm goes off...I can certainly function on less -- have been doing so almost constantly for the last several weeks -- but.......well, I read, once, that you never really get back last sleep, even if you sleep longer the next night to make up for the missed hours. If that's so, well............I'm doomed. That whole "hundred hour stint" thing I did in Taiwan...? Yeah. Lol. Never gonna get those back. Never gonna get the four-five hours I "miss" each night, when I only sleep three or four hours before having to wake up for work. The hours add up quickly...too quickly.

Me. Now it's four-thirty. I should sleep....

......also, I'm saving for a $300 edition of the Lord of the Rings. Because I can. :)

Nothing tastes right. It's the weirdest thing, actually, but dinner just tastes......bland. Dry. The tea I made myself is good (not quite as sweet as normal, but good), but dinner just tastes off. *sigh* I can't just not eat is, though, 'cause then I'll be hungry all evening, and we pretty much don't keep snack food in the house.

...which sucks, 'cause I LOVE snack food, and usually don't like normal "meal" food. I'd rather eat a snack for dinner, and a midnight snack later. lol.

Hm. The cantaloupe tastes nice, though. It's just......everything she made tonight, with the exception of the rice and cantaloupe, was roasted all on one big tray, so it all tastes like everything else. It's just boring, or something....... :(

I'm going to watch Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood when it finishes loading. Episode...six, I think it is? "The Home with a Family Waiting" -- not to be confused with "Home of the Waiting Family" from the original series. lol. Which is episode 15 or 16, I forget which...

I feel like such a hermit, these days. When I'm at home, I'm upstairs, on my computer. When I'm not home, I'm pretty much just at work, so I can make money to do the occasional fun event (JAFAX, Pennsic, etc.) and pay my phone bill. Which, incidentally, I have to do right now!! I almost forgot........

Grah. It takes so long for 鋼の錬金術師:兄弟 to load...!! Stupid site, stupid connection speed. Stupid impatience. lol.

Well. I just read a really crap fic...Harry Potter/Gundam Wing crossover, of all things. *blinks* That wasn't the crappy part. The writing was just shit, that's all. They finally got a beta for the last chapter (it's not a finished fic, still in-progress), though, and that helped. *sigh* Why am I addicted to fanfiction....?

Oh, crap, I forgot about my tea, and now it's cold! Yick. :(

Mmm...got a new cup of tea (French Vanilla, this time), and it's wonderful...! Warm, creamy, smooth. Just fabulous! <3

Huh. An apparently original take on DarkCreature!Harry... The whole Chamber of Secrets thing, only with an intriguing twist...lol. It's called "Serpens Armarum," by Evandar... Not bad, so far. Not bad at all... *grin*

Hermit!Kallen is tired....despite it being only 9:00pm, and despite having slept till almost 5:00pm. lol. I've been awake four hours, and already I'm ready for bed! Sheesh. I feel like a cat, these days. Most active in the night-time hours, napping, sleeping for prolonged periods of time, picky about my food...........DarkCreature!Kallen...? lol. Who knows. Perhaps. ;)

Hm. So, in the fic I'm reading right now, there's been a lot of talk about languages (Gobbledegook, for example, as well as Parsletongue), and it's kind of making me want to work on one of my own invented languages... I should find that notebook..... I had a name for The Old Tongue, but I've forgotten it -- it's written down, though. The other one is called Tora'lin -- literally, "Tiger Language." Their writing system is similar to Korean, but the language is a bit more like Japanese, than anything else. :) Whereas the Old Tongue is like a weird hybrid of Chinese and Gaelic. Lol. It works -- don't ask me how, but it does.

So, since this is supposed to be mainly my writing blog, I guess I should talk a bit about the first thirty days of my new story.

With this new story, I feel very ill-prepared. I'm in unfamiliar territory, and surrounded by strangers, so to speak...not entirely unlike my new protagonist. Actual plot has developed only in the latter part of this first month. I wrote a bit every day, from April 3rd to May 3rd (I still can't believe it's already May...!) and so while I feel I am getting to know my characters, it's still weird. Every once and a while, I wonder what my OLD cast of characters are doing in my absence...lol...then I realize, of course, they can't be doing anything. I'm the author, and they need me.

I need them.

My characters enact some of my own daydreams, sometimes relive my own dreams. My new protagonist, Arch, begins his "life" with a dream very much like the one that prompted his story...

Stupid pocket watch... *grumbles*

Anyway, I still don't know any of these people, is the thing. With Casting Shadows I knew all of the characters...intimately, one could say. I'd been writing about them for over a year, before I wrote the first page in the book. Of course, I no longer like the beginning I wrote on my birthday, those three years ago, but the foundations for that story are set deep. This story has no such roots. It does not spring from a well constructed cast of characters...it showed up one night, out of the blue, and all but jumped up and down to get my attention. I'm a bit afraid to write it, because of how...under-developed...? the characters feel. At least when I compare them to my other cast.

*sigh*

However, over the first month of writing, a plot has nonetheless shown its head, and I will now have to write the story, or else it will never leave my imagination in peace. Though, I'll admit, the sudden appearance of that robot/spirit/something girl rather threw me for a loop... *ponders*

I want to be anything other than what I am. I always have... It's kind of pathetic, really.

A witch, a wizard, a mage, a digidestined, an anything... I'm sick of being human, basically. I've never wanted to be human... Something in me has always wanted to be more, you know?

I'm sitting here, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Wouldn't it be nice to be anything else? Someone with super powers, or magic at their fingertips.

...........more than anything, I think I'm just bored. *sigh* I don't know what to do, if I can't do something BIG!! you know? It feels like, if I don't do something world-changing, I haven't done anything. It's awful, being powerless.

...powerless...

Ugh! What a horrid word! It feels like all my life I've been trying to overcome that word and all it entails. Success? Non-existent.

Perhaps that driving thirst is what makes people writes such powerful stories? I know it's been mainly books that have driven my desire for specialness... So You Want to be a Wizard and Harry Potter, or Tamora Pierce's books... All of them feature those "special" people, who can do extraordinary things. And I don't mean just magic. I mean the power of indestructible morals, or even the strength of unfailingly loyal friends.

Or the strength to stand alone, without them.

I have neither magic, nor that strength.

When I find myself abandoned, it cuts deep. And, really, it happens too often for my taste. It's equally upsetting every time.

Getting ditched.......it really bites. *sigh*

Even worse, is when all my efforts turn out to be in vain. No matter how many times I read The Oath aloud, or look out my window, waiting for an Owl, or cross my fingers and pray to goddesses of strength and magic.......

No one ever listens.

Isn't it interesting, how people change?

Five years ago, I made my first "new" friends in a long time. Now, one is still awesome and happy (thus is his nature) and the other has grown progressively more depressed (and depressing). The end of my freshman year of high school left me with the most friends I'd ever had in my life, and now -- at the end of my freshman year of college -- I feel like I've lost many of those important to me, and gained others, possibly even better ones.

But will I still think that, five years from now...? People transform so drastically over half a decade. Compare baggy-t-shirt, long-haired me of then, to short-haired, fashion-conscious me of now. Compare quiet, introverted me of then, to confident, social me of now. Would I ever go back to who I was? Hell no. But maybe -- as far as other people are concerned -- it could be beneficial to do so.

I can't understand how someone so fun to hang out with turned into such a brooding, angry douchebag! I really don't. And what can any of us have possibly done to prevent this change? Well, it really wasn't our job to do that, was it. People have the right to change and grow into whomever they want. It's their job to make those important decisions, not their friends'.

So what's "rock bottom" look like, anyway? Sounds lame, if you ask me. Why not come back up to the surface and hang out with the rest of us!

...only, sometimes people get so entrenched in the muck down there that they're too selfish to recognize the hands people have extended to them. They turn a blind eye away from the sun, and back to the dirt at their feet.

That's what Smeagol did, in fact (if I may use a literary reference), and look what it turned him into. From Smeagol, sitting on the river bank with his grandmother, to Gollum, living on the thin bones of pale fish, hiding away from the sun and sky.

I know Tolkien disliked allegory, but there are definite truths in his writing that we can benefit from observing.

Have I chosen the higher road, by decided not to stay in my slump of last year? Have I proven anything, by rising above those challenges that are placed before me? I couldn't possibly say. But it certainly feels like a happier existence that that other choice.

But still...

...it's interesting.

So, I'm chillin' at Madilynn's...it's almost 2 am, and I'm about to watch "Origin -- Spirits of the Past" on Hulu instead of going to sleep.

...maybe it wasn't Heating after all, but sleeping in an apartment...? Lol. No, I'm pretty sure it was mostly Heating. *grin* Madilynn has like...eight hours of class tomorrow? Yick. So, I'm going to be online much of the morning. Lol. That is, if I'm not sleeping! I'm waiting for my movie to buffer while I type this, so...

My book is down to 9 1/2 pages...which is the tactful way of saying I didn't get much written today. *sheepish* Still, progress is progress, right?

It says it's fully buffered now, so I'll write more later. <3

I have ten pages left...and work is DEAD, I swear. Sitting at the computer in the coffee shop, and we've had ONE customer in the hour since we opened. *sigh*

TEN PAGES LEFT!!!

...what am I going to do with myself when it's over?? *deep breaths* Well, I'm sure I'll think of something. Eventually. I keep dreaming about Steampunk, so I really suspect that will be my next story. I dreamed about it three (maybe four...not sure about last night) nights in a row, so that has to mean something, right?